A New Perspective

Thank you so much everybody. I seriuosly wondered whether I would be able to speak with my mother this morning when she called. However, I decided that the best way to face a difficult and angry situation, isn’t with more anger or resentment. Instead, I’ve decided that the best way is to be a mentor. To help teach and educate, in essence hold their hand through our process. I will take one event at a time. My brother is right (God help me for saying it,) but you can’t expect things and people to feel the same about adopting as you do about giving birth to a “natural” child. They are different. So, I will embrace all that is different about it, and try to show the beauty in the differences.

The focus on race is because our area (let’s face it we live in the deep south,) has a high population of black people. I will not turn down an infant. I just can’t! I guess this is just me trying to get all of the issues out in the open before they directly affect a child in our care. I am confident that we will make it past it, but it will take me and my husband being confident, resliliant, and patient.

It took a lot of thought and tears yesterday to come to this conclusion. When you are as close to your parents as I am, it is safe to assume that they will always be by your side. They’ve never really disagreed with a decision that I have made. They have always been supportive. I guess this is a bit of a growing process for all of us. However, I will do my best to be strong in the face of adversity.

Published in: on January 12, 2007 at 11:45 pm  Comments (8)  

So Close

Tonight, a mere hours away we start our first step towards expanding our family. We have our orientation for our foster to adopt classes. In three hours, I will be walking into that room. In three hours, I will be judged. In three hours, my heart will be in my throat. I’m jumping out of my skin with excitement….vacuum the living room, put away a few dishes, fold a load of laundry, scratch something funky looking from the countertop, consider cleaning out the fridge, deside not to. Just. can’t. focus. on. anything.

This is our first step towards being a family. How mind blowing is that?!

Published in: on January 10, 2007 at 2:35 am  Comments (4)  

Nervous

This post could have been labled, Exhausted, Nervous, Excited, and Scared Woman Wondering What the Hell 2007 is Going to Bring Into Her Already Crazy World. It just wouldn’t fit.

I find myself reluctant to do the by then game with adoption, as I did with infertility. I hate to say we should have a child by the next Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, etc. I so desperately want to be able to say with certainty that by then, things will be as I want them to be.

I’ve been watching my husband with renewed interest lately. I watch him play with our neighbor’s daughter, and I get misty. I watch him put together our future children’s toys, and I just know that I’m falling in love with him all over again. I know this journey will be difficult, but my heart is so full. Full of hope, love, and excitement. Ok, with a little fear and humility mixed in.

Published in: on January 1, 2007 at 12:54 am  Comments (3)