Not Sure What to Say

I have spoken with bio dad, but it was mostly superficial. He’s obviously never going to answer my questions. My guess is that he doesn’t want to lie to me. If he honestly didn’t think about me throughout the years, I’m sure he’s embarassed.

I’ve spoked a great deal to his wife and a few times to my sister.

I believe he has no idea what to say to me considering the craziness that is infertility that I’m going through. Kind of tough to talk about your uterus to your newly found bio dad. Either way, it irritates me that major things are going on in my life, and he can’t pick up a damn phone. I’m having surgery next week, and instead of just including him in a group email, I picked up the phone and called. I told his wife about it and let her know that I did send an email as well giving all the details about it. I told her it was also included on my blog (that would be my other blog.) I could hear him in the background. I kind of lingered at the end of the conversation to see if anybody else wanted to talk, but his wife simply wrapped up the conversation. She didn’t do it rudely. She really does care about me and my situation. She ended with, “We’ll be thinking about you, and keeping you in our prayers. You have a good night sweetie.” Ummm…thanks…you too.. I just scratched my head and wondered why she didn’t ask me if I wanted to speak with bio dad or why bio dad didn’t say he wanted to talk too.

I think the whole situation just frustrates me. I make my feelings and emotions very clear, but his are held so close to him that I can’t get a glimpse of what they are. I guess I’ll figure it out eventually. After all, only time will tell.

Published in: on April 18, 2007 at 9:26 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I hate to make a broad generalization about half of the human race, but I do think men experience their emotions differently than we do. I don’t know if it’s biological or environmental or both, but they seem to hold more in, and it’s subconsciously held, too. I don’t know if they realize how much the feel. I think I’m starting to sound nonsensical here…. And I’m not trying to make excuses for your bio dad, either. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s not you, it’s him. Does that make sense?

  2. This sounds a lot like the situation I have with my birth father. Our converstaions are superficial. He doesn’t talk to me about anything. I have a good relationship with his wife and my half siblings. It is a difficult spot to be in. You aren’t sure where you fit in or exactly how things stand.

    I really could be a gender difference thing, but I think the most important thing to remember is it isn’t you.

    You have done an amazing job at trying to open up your life to him. It is his turn to step up to the plate.

    I hope you find a middle gound to this, one that keeps you from getting hurt in all of this.

    (I was proud of myself for a minute tonight when I was blogging about my thinking nominees. I know we were tagged together and you are the one person who makes me think about so much. I though about nominating this blog, but didn’t because I didn’t want to post a link here. Just in case. But know you are nominated by me because you deserve it.)

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