Bio dad is definitely not being proactive here, but I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. That’s what I typically do. My guess is that he doesn’t know what to say and is put off still by my honesty with him. Some people don’t know what to do when somebody tells them they hurt their feelings. I grew up with being told when I hurt my parent’s feelings. It taught me empathy. I realized how to rebound from it. I learned to say I’m sorry, mean it, and move forward. I learned it isn’t a relationship breaker, but more like a speed bump. It’s a reminder to slow down and consider the other person’s feelings. What a great lesson! I guess not everybody is afforded that opportunity to learn that. I forget sometimes.

So, this morning I sent him a short and simple email.

“I haven’t heard from you in a while. Is everything ok?”

It’s general enough to allow him to respond in a number of ways. Is everything ok with you, your family, us, the world…you name it. It also aknowledges that I’ve noticed his absence. It ‘s communication from my camp, allowing some to come from his. It’s an olive branch of sorts. Am I far off here? Perhaps he may not understand that, but I’m hoping he will. HOWEVER, this is NOT a get out of jail free card. He seriously needs to answer my questions and communicate with me. If he wants that kind of relationship where we just gloss over things, a fairweather father (oooh, my new term….we’ll refer to it as fwf) then that’s what we’ll be. However, he cannot expect to be the first person I call with good information. He may be somewhere in the middle to the end of the list. He won’t be able to expect me to talk about the important things in my life in depth. He’s going to miss out on most of who I am, and our relationship will always feel superficial and phony to me. This will be HIS choice.

Let’s see what happens next.

Published in: on April 4, 2007 at 6:57 am  Comments (6)  

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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Well done. I think your olive branch is perfect.

  2. Fly is right. It is perfect. I have known my bio father for 5 years and we still have issues with communication. I am not telling you that to discourage you, but to let you know that you aren’t the only one.

    I hope you can find a mutually agreeable ground.

  3. Your approach does sound good. I only hope he comes through.

  4. I agree, great idea. I hope he can suck it up and begin to build a relationship with you now.

  5. Just curious if you’ve heard from him… thinking of you.

  6. Nice blog!

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