You Never Know What You’re Going to Get

Want the truth? I’m not sure how I feel about my biological father. He seems wishy washy, disorganized, unmotivated, and indecisive. On the other hand, he’s kind, caring, and a bit funny. He’s not an effective communicator. Wait, perhaps it’s better to say he doesn’t communicate with me in a way in which I understand. I’m just not sure I can trust him yet. I don’t think he wants to hear the truth about how I feel about him either. I’m angry that he never tried to contact me when I was younger. I’m upset that he thinks things will just be happily ever after, without even really getting to know me. Uggghhh…what a head ache. I hope things get better. I told him some of the things I posted below this post, and he said I hurt his feelings. What I want to know is he upset that he hurt me? Or, is he upset that I told him the truth and didn’t just pretend everything was wonderful during our visit? If anybody should have the right to be hurt, ahem, that would be me.

I know without a doubt I will never be as important to him as his other daughter and his wife. How do you reconcile that? I guess I can be thankful that my parents put me first, are always there to support me, and would go to the end of the world for me. Then, why is this so damn frustrating?

Published in: on March 23, 2007 at 1:32 pm  Comments (6)  

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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. It is frustrating for so many reasons. You have so much invested in this emotionally. Your reality was different from your expectations. You don’t know exactly where this relationship fits into your life.

    My only advice would be give it time. It takes a long time to adjust to having a new parent in your life when you are already an adult. There is hurt from the past that is still there too.

    In time, you will know what you want of this relationship, if you want it, and how you want it.

  2. It’s got to be normal to be frustrated. There’s no law that says you can’t have wonderful parents AND a wonderful birth father. Why shouldn’t you want both?

    Other than that I’ll just say “yeah, what My Reality said…”


  3. I don’t have much else to add except that I do think it’s crappy that you spent so much time listening to how this has affected him. I imagine you wanted to scream, “What about me?” and, honestly, I think you would have been well within your rights to do so.

  4. Gah. You posted what you feel, what you felt. All valid feelings. He’s not being very adult about it, in my ever-so-humble-opinion. All about his feelings, huh? Who’s parenting whom here? Just a question, of course I don’t know the guy from anyone so I have no right to judge him.

    It is so very early in the relationship. Maybe everyone has post-visit stuff to deal with. I dunno. I don’t know anything at all really. Just wish you the best and hope you and he can come to some sort of understanding or a better place in all of this. *hugs* to you.

  5. I don’t know how you reconcile it. All I know is that you are the “kid” (okay, so you’re an adult, but you know what I mean) and he’s the adult. He made choices; you had choices made for you. I have a family member who always asks for the truth and then is upset if anyone is ever angry at her. And you get to a place where you have a relationship that is entirely based in falsehoods because it’s easier. She’d rather believe the world is sunny and she never upsets anyone. Sigh. Those people are very difficult to interact with on a long-term basis. Hang in there. I hope it gets better as life settles down.

  6. Because we want our parents approval, no matter what we say. We want them to be proud of us, and we want them to love us unconditionally. I’m so sorry he is acting the way he is, I’m here if you need to vent.

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