I Feel Guilty

There are so many emotions and thoughts running around in my mind. My bio dad reads my other blog every day, and calls when he wants to talk about something I wrote. It’s nice, and I enjoy talking with him. We talk about three times a week. It’s a great ice breaker. From what I can see his is a doting dad to my sister and a nice guy. Yesterday we chatted about different jobs he’s held in the past, what he does now, and where he is going. I talked with my husband about it after we hung up. Instantly I felt guilty for feeling that I lived a much more priveldged life by living with my mom and dad. It’s a fact though. Socioeconomically we travel in different circles. It doesn’t make us better by any means. It just a difference. There wouldn’t have been trips all over the world if my mother had stayed with him. Rather, we would have struggled our entire life. It’s just strange. This of course does not affect my relationship with him or the type of man he is. It’s just a difference.

My bio dad is a welder, and my long time dad is a nuclear engineer. I would have been raised so differently. It’s interesting to sit and think what my life would have been like had things been different. Now I feel like a spoiled rotten brat for being grateful that things turned out the way they did. However, why wouldn’t I? I love my long time dad, and wouldn’t trade him for the world. Now, I’m just struggling to figure out where bio dad fits into the picture. Perhaps it will all fall into place when we meet. Perhaps not.

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Published in: on February 16, 2007 at 5:00 pm  Comments (7)  

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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I think guilt is just one of the emotions that you will deal with in the next few months.

    There is nothing wrong with being thankful for what you have and how you grew up. You are able to acknowledge that it is different than how you would have grown up if you were raised by your bio dad. That says a lot.

  2. It’s an interesting dilemma to see the road not taken–most people never get to see it. I don’t know how you reconcile that in your head except to say that you didn’t chose the path–others chose the path for you.

  3. Try to avoid the struggle to put things in their proper
    places. There’s probably no such thing. Go with the flow for a while and see how things end up.

    I’m wondering if you could share your feelings with your long time Dad? Tell him about how you feel grateful that things turned out the way you did. That’s more of a reflection on him than it is on your bio Dad.

    Your LT Dad must be having all sorts of emotions and worries ~ maybe knowing a bit of this would help him?

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