This I Know

Despite all of the craziness there is one thing I know for sure….


I’m not mad at my family for having a tough time with this. They weren’t adopted. How on Earth could they imagine how it must feel. I can’t blame them for not understanding, if I can’t even explain it to them. It’s my job to help them learn, understand, and work towards accepting. I can’t confront the situation with anger. Rather I should be patient, and give them some grace and time. They wouldn’t worry if they didn’t love me. They wouldn’t be scared if they didn’t love me. They wouldn’t be so torn up if they didn’t love me.

When a parent comes from a place of love, it is hard to be overly upset with them. The fact remains, they are supportive. My mother is footing a hotel bill for a week at $168 a night so I can see bio dad! She wouldn’t do that if she wasn’t supportive and if she didn’t love me. She may not always get it right, but damn do any of us? This is where you learn that forgiveness is better than anger. Giving the benefit of the doubt is better than jumping to conclusions.

These people all love me. Yes, I want to pull my hair out, because there is so much raw emotion and baggage floating around, but the fact is through thick and thin we will be there for each other. That’s what family is. That’s what families do.

Today mom pointed out a gift for bio sister, but she refused to say sister. It was a gift that would be engraved. She said you could always put y’know on it. She couldn’t say sister, but she thought it. That is progress. That shows just how hard she is trying. So, I will choose to focus on that.

Published in: on February 6, 2007 at 4:12 pm  Comments (6)  

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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Good for you Becks.

  2. Knowing that you’re loved is all that you need. 🙂 I’m glad your family is supportive, despite their not understanding. That’s great!

  3. How sweet of your mom. I think she is up for the challenge. It will be hard, but she is really trying, and that’s awesome!

  4. I don’t think it’s about getting it right the first time. I think it’s more about getting it wrong, hearing you got it wrong, and trying again. That means more to me. People don’t usually get the huge things right the first time and that’s okay. It’s how they act or what they say after things settle and they’ve had a chance to hear how their actions or words affected you.

  5. That’s good that your mum is fighting her fears and is being supportive of your reunion. It must be hard for adopted people because of other people’s feelings.

    I hope the visit will go really well.

  6. I think it sounds like you mom has made major progress with this. She might not be able to say sister yet, but she is acknowledging the relationship. That is great.

    And you are so right, you are loved. That is hopefully what make all of this easier for everyone involved.

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