My Reality said this a few days ago. I’d be happy to answer.

“How fantastic! All of it! I am glad that everything just feels right. I am glad your mom took this well and I think Mel might be right about the “I did this” vs. the “I am considering this.”

I hope that things continue to go well. Any plans for meeting up with your bio dad? I am still curious – how did you find your bio grandparents? I know how overwhelming this can all be, so when things calm down, maybe you can fill in some blanks for me!”

Yes, I formed plans to meet bio dad today. I think I will go after my foster to adopt classes are done. It is perfect timing for my newly found sister’s birthday. She turn seven. My grandparents will be visiting then too. So, I guess I will get to meet the whole darn family at once. At this point the plan is to rent a car (we only have one and a motorcycle. It’s too cold for hubby to ride right now, and he has to go to work. Not enough time off right now), and possibly stay with them. I am contiplating the first few days staying in a hotel. Just until we all know each other well enough. Of course this will cause an uproar with my mother. She doesn’t want me driving the ten hours alone. She also thinks I will need emotional support. She wants to go. She said I could have the evenings with them, and during the day she and I could sight see. My dad vetoed that idea. Sooo, I guess we’ll see.

I used the internet to find bio grandparents. I went here, and here.. It wasn’t too difficult, because there are the only ones that came up in the search. I had three phone numbers that came in a report that I paid for. I called the first one, and it was disconnected. The second number rang and rang. The third number, bio grandparents answered. It was an awkward situation after that. We worked our way through that.

I have now had several conversations with bio grandparents and bio dad. Oooh, and two conversations with little bio sister! It still feels strange to have to write bio in front of things. I find I do it for my family, and not for myself. Yes, my dad is my dad. I just view it as now I have two dads. It doesn’t negate everything that my dad and I have gone through. It simply validates the fact that my bio dad is also a dad. Sooo complicated. I’m swimming in the see of unknown. My bio dad’s wife had her ovaries removed, due to a long family history of ovarian cancer. Her doctor suggested she remove them. She just lost her mother last year due to ovarian cancer. So, she followed his advice, and the stirrup queen in me was sad for her. I know she wanted more children. However, she sighed and said to bio dad last night that she is happy that she now has two daughters and she’s glad bio sister won’t be an only child per se anymore. I was touched. The mama bear in my mother would be ready to kill. I can hear her snarling now, “She’s not your mother! I’m your mother!” Yup, I know. Doesn’t stop me from feeling very moved that she is so welcoming and loving.

Any other questions? My head is just floating with things. Must put feet back on floor. It’s that whole honeymoon phase.

Oh, and Mel was right. I think my mother is better with “it is” as opposed to “it will.” 🙂 Very astute!

Published in: on February 4, 2007 at 1:46 pm  Comments (3)  

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  1. I remember those first conversations with my bio dad. It was a feeling that I don’t think I could really describe. It was overwhelming, exciting, scary and liberating all at the same time. Those are just a few of the emotions I felt.

    My mom really had a hard time with my finding by biological family. I think a lot of it stems from her insecurities as an adoptive parent. Her fear was that I had blood ties with my new family and she didn’t have that relationship with me. I have told her time and time again that she is my mom, no matter what.

    I am sure this will be difficult for your mom for many reasons. This will force her to remember part of her past that wasn’t so pleasant. Your situation is so different from mine, but I do think a lot of the emotions will be pretty similar.

    I think the fact that your step-mom (can I call her that?) is so welcoming will make all of this easier for you. How exciting to have a little sister!

    This is going to be an emotional ride, but I hope it gives you the answers you need and gives you a chance and a whole other family. The way I see it is you can never have too many people to love.

    Thanks for answering my questions! If you ever have any questions for me, just let me know!

  2. When you say your dad vetoed your mum coming along, was it your bio dad or your dad (so many dads! Maybe use labels just to keep it straight: bio-dad and long-time dad?). I don’t know–I think it would be kind of good if your mum came along too. She knows this man–at least she did a long time ago. It’s sort of like bringing a harbour along with you. If this was any other stressful situation, would you want your mother there? If the answer is yes, I would take her up on the offer. You may also find it easier to see everyone in small doses this first time, just to give yourself time to step back and process.

  3. Oh, wow. Keep us posted on how the visit goes. I’ll be thinkng of you – what an exciting but very scary time!

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