A New Perspective

Thank you so much everybody. I seriuosly wondered whether I would be able to speak with my mother this morning when she called. However, I decided that the best way to face a difficult and angry situation, isn’t with more anger or resentment. Instead, I’ve decided that the best way is to be a mentor. To help teach and educate, in essence hold their hand through our process. I will take one event at a time. My brother is right (God help me for saying it,) but you can’t expect things and people to feel the same about adopting as you do about giving birth to a “natural” child. They are different. So, I will embrace all that is different about it, and try to show the beauty in the differences.

The focus on race is because our area (let’s face it we live in the deep south,) has a high population of black people. I will not turn down an infant. I just can’t! I guess this is just me trying to get all of the issues out in the open before they directly affect a child in our care. I am confident that we will make it past it, but it will take me and my husband being confident, resliliant, and patient.

It took a lot of thought and tears yesterday to come to this conclusion. When you are as close to your parents as I am, it is safe to assume that they will always be by your side. They’ve never really disagreed with a decision that I have made. They have always been supportive. I guess this is a bit of a growing process for all of us. However, I will do my best to be strong in the face of adversity.

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Published in: on January 12, 2007 at 11:45 pm  Comments (8)  

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8 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. You sound so much more at peace with it. I’m glad that you found that.

    As hard as it is to admit, everything about adopting is different (and sometimes it feels like harder!) than having a biological child. It’s good to be honest about those. I’m sure your folks will come along.

  2. Your resiliency amazes me. 🙂 I’m glad that you’ve been able to gain a new perspective on things and are working through everything the way that you are.

  3. My parents and I are very close also, but when I started struggling with infertility, they just didn’t get it. At first they didn’t understand why we were adopting because we were gonna get pregnant as soon as we relaxed, or stopped thinking about it! Being almost a year into the foster/adopt program, I really haven’t put much energy in trying to get pregnant, and that obviously did not cause me to pop up pregnant.

    We live in the deep south too. Deeper than you as we are about a 20 minute boat ride to the Gulf of Mexico. The area we live in is EXTREMELY prejudice and it’s really sad.

    It hurts the most when you are so close to your parents but they have trouble accepting adoption. I still think they will change when you get your placement. The only problems I had were family members afraid of getting attached and the child going home.

    I hope your parents come around soon.

  4. Thanks Amanda, not sure I’m at peace with it though. I don’t really have a choice though. I can’t twist their arm and make them think and believe what I want them to. I wish I could!

    Awww, Jess, I’m not that resiliant. I’m still a puddle of mush if I think about it for too long. I think this is me running over hot coals, just to get to the other side and not get burned!

    Lisa, thankfully our community has very little prejudice. Our city is full of engineers, and a healthy mix of people from around the country. Perhaps that helps the situation. Oh, and I’m all about a 20 min boat ride to the gulf. Clean the spare room, we’re on our way!!!

  5. I’m glad you’re in a better space today. I wonder if there is another adoptive parent you can speak to who has been there and done that and had the family come around. Ask them what they did–how they explained it–when the change occurred.

  6. I’ve been reading you thinking: “Dammmmmmmmmmmmmmn.”

    And I have absolutely no idea what to say, but then I’m estranged from half of my family, it’s probably best not to take advice from me.

    But I recognize that you are in a very, very difficult and stressful position, and I am here if you need to vent. All I may come up with is “Dammmmmmmmmmmmmmn”, but maybe listening is all you need.

  7. This is a learning process for all involved. I am glad you seem to be in a different frame of mind.

  8. You live that close to the gulf too! Darn! Guess we can’t evacuate to your house next hurricane that comes along! Good thing my parents live a little further up north in the state.

    You may can put in sleeping bed in Princess’ room amongst the baby stuff. It’s still empty waiting on her release.


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